First He Frees You

 "As long as it bothers you, it's going to keep happening."  A friend said this to me when I was complaining about someone in my life who was driving me crazy. 

I said, "What??" 

He repeated what he said, "As long as that person's behavior continues to bother you, God is going to let it keep happening until you learn the right way to deal with it and it doesn't bother you anymore. He's trying to free you."

I said, "Ugh. Ok. So what do I do?"

He answered, "Go to God with it. Ask Him how to cope with it. Ask Him to show you what He is trying to free you from."

And my friend was right. Every thing that bothered me, one at a time, I went to Him and asked, "Show me. Help me. Free me." And He did. 

My health was terrible for a while. I simply broke down under years of strain, worry and stress and I had several physical problems all at once, which scared me to death. I was very upset and begged God to heal me. I then heard my friend in my head saying, "As long as it bothers you..." so I prayed, "Ok this is really bothering me. How do I handle this?"

I felt like God answered me in this way, "You want good health so badly that it's become an idol to you. You worship it because you are afraid of being sick. You are bowing to fear here and as My child, that's not good enough. I want you to trust Me. Put your health in My hands and let it go. I'm trying to free you from this fear." So I did. I surrendered my health into His hands, subject to His decisions, and let it go. Over time and with practice, God freed me of that fear and, consequently, He healed me of all of those health problems. He healed me of the fear first, then once I was free, He healed my body. 

He was going to let me continue to have those problems until I surrendered. Why? Because He loved me, because He wanted me to be free and at peace.

I've applied this lesson to so many things in my life that were upsetting or frightening to me and it's worked, every time. 

And that person who was driving me crazy? Doesn't drive me crazy anymore. As soon as I gave this problem to God, He changed ME, freed me, then that other person's behavior started to miraculously change for the better. I kid you not.  First He freed me, then He took care of the problem. 

Freedom. Calm. Strength. Peace. Thank You Lord! ♡

I Trust You

 How do you give full control to Someone you don't really trust, to Someone you don't fully believe loves you? 

You can't. 

Here's a conversation I had with a pastor friend, which showed me how I really felt about God:

"Do you trust God?" 

"Sure I do."

"Do you believe He loves you?"

"Sure."

"Do you believe He's always been there for you?"

"Well.... no actually. He let a lot of bad things happen to me as a child, a lot of very, very painful things. In fact He's let me suffer, a LOT."

"How do you feel about that?"

"Well..... um......  actually? I feel angry. And hurt. He wasn't a very good Father. He didn't protect me like He should have."

"Do you believe He loves you?"

"Well.... not really, no."

"Do you fully trust that He has your best interest  in mind?"

"No. I don't. Honestly? Now that I think about it, I don't trust Him. As a matter of fact, I'm angry with Him. I'm angry. I have never forgiven God for letting me down, for not protecting me." 

"You have unforgiveness in your heart toward God?"

"YES. Actually I do. How could He? How could He let me go through all that pain as a child and no way to cope with it? It was cruel! He didn't protect me. And it hurts."

"So, how can you fully surrender to Someone who you don't trust?" 

"I..... can't."

"Exactly. And that's where we have to start, right there. I want you to tell God right now how you feel about what happened and how you feel about Him."

So I did, sobbing my little girl heart out while I did it. I said exactly what I felt. I didn't hold anything back. I got it all out.

And that's where the healing began. 

That's when He started to show me why He allowed all of that to happen, why it was necessary, why it was a severe mercy and what it did for me - how all of it made me eventually find Him, turn to Him, cling to Him, love Him. I could finally see it. I could finally understand, let go and forgive Him. I could finally see that it was Love that did all of that.

I realized that He loved me, fully, deeply, enough to let me suffer, for my own good. 

He loves me. Really loves me. I am loved? Really loved? Oh my. I. Am. Loved.

Trust filled my heart. I surrendered my life to Him who loved me so. I gave Him control. 

And my heart filled with peace.

Thank You Father.  I love You. ♡

What Can We Do??

 "Our country is living in collective disobedience, therefore it is outside of God's will and outside of His protection and His blessings. What can we do??"

Compared to other countries in the world, our country is the teenager. We are the youngster in the group. We are going through some growing pains right now on our way to maturity, which is natural. We are trying to find out who we are.

 And as often happens in teenager's lives, we suddenly find ourselves at a fork in the road, having to make decisions that will affect the rest of our lives. For a teenager the decision might be, do I take the pill or not? Do I go with those guys or not? Do I steal that thing I want or not? Etc.... 

For our country, this fork in the road, these decisions, decide our future for many generations, if not forever. Do we move towards Socialism or not? Do we remain a country that legalizes the killing of babies or not? Do we continue to promote and push unnatural lifestyles as normal, further tearing apart the God-given family unit that is part of the bedrock of our society or not? Do we continue the trend of lawlessness, being soft on crime and criminals or not? Do we continue to dishonor and not care for our elderly and not protect our children or not? 

Every one of those choices are either obedience or disobedience to God and what He told us to do in His Word. A nation which legalizes killing children in the womb,  sees pedophilia or homosexuality or transgenderism as normal, who dishonors the elderly and who doesn't protect our most vulnerable, is a nation that lives in sin and disobedience to God. 

A person or a nation which lives in disobedience, in sin, is outside of God's will and therefore outside of His protection and blessing. 

A nation that lives in sin is in direct opposition to God and is an enemy of God. This nation will be judged. 

God loves us enough to do what it takes to bring us back from a life of sin. He will let us suffer because He knows it will open our eyes and bring us back to Him, to wholeness, peace and freedom.

So to those of us who want to live in obedience to God in our personal lives and in our nation, what do we do? Some of our laws and leaders are evil and because of this, we are all collectively living in sin, even though we don't agree with it. 

This situation is a lot like a Christian woman who is unequally yoked with a man who isn't saved. Her husband isn't walking with the Lord and is living in sin, so their home is not one living in obedience to God. She has to live under his disobedience and they are collectively living in sin because of his leadership. 

What does God tell her to do? Pray for him. Be a good example. Be a witness. Love him. Take good care of him. Be patient. Trust God with the situation. Be respectful.  Let God love him through her. Let God use her in the situation for good. 

What else can we do? Be a Daniel. Stand up. Be honest. Spread the truth wherever you can. Be faithful. 'Servants be submissive to your masters, not only to the good and gentle, but also to the harsh. For this is commendable, if because of conscience toward God one endures grief, suffering wrongly. But when you do good and suffer, if you take it patiently this is commendable before God. For this you were called because Christ also suffered for us leaving us an example.'

We pray forgiveness for our leaders for they know not what they do. They are blind and walking in darkness without God.  We continue to obey God and do what's right. We shine our light in the darkness and believe. The darker it gets, the brighter we shine.

God will use this dark, difficult time in our nation's history for our good. Many will be saved through it. And that's the most important thing of all.

Thank You Father for allowing this to happen and for all You're doing through it. Your will be done. ♡

In the Interest of Unity

One of my sisters sued me five times. FIVE times. All of those lawsuits were thrown out because they were bogus and without merit but it still cost me time and money to deal with them. A LOT of money, around ten thousand dollars. 

This same sister has lied to me, cheated me and stolen from me. She has said unspeakably cruel things to me and has caused much anguish and emotional turmoil in me over the years. I never did anything unkind to my little sister, ever. Even though I have done some pretty heinous things to a few people in my lifetime, in these cases with this sister, I have truly been the innocent party.  My own lawyer actually felt sorry for me because of the relentless persecution from this sister. 

This same sister has never acknowledged any of these things she has done nor has she ever apologized for any of it.  And I expect she never will. 

When I reached out to her a few years ago to try to mend fences - because she's my sister and because God made me - she said we could talk again but then added, and I quote, " But I don't want any drama." 😳 She acted like I had made all that trouble, she was the innocent party and had done nothing wrong.  

Well. My flesh immediately rose up in righteous anger, but just for a moment, because God and I had already dealt with all of this. He showed me that she was broken, walking in darkness without Him, needing love. He helped me to say, "Father forgive her for she knows not what she does." I wrote her back and said, "Ok, great."

 And ever since, we talk and behave like sisters. We're not close but we have a pleasant relationship and we get along. I even enjoyed the few times I've been with her since we got back in touch. 

I have other family members who I've had to forgive again, and again, and again for abusive, selfish, unkind behavior. Behavior they have never acknowledged or apologized for. I have forgiven way more than seventy times seven. Way more. 

Why? Because God told me to, over and over again in His Word. We who follow Christ are held to a higher standard. We are to be like Him and obey what He said to do. 

He said to forgive others. He said we cannot have ought in our heart against others. He said that before we pray, we are to forgive our brothers or He cannot forgive us. He said in I Cor. 13, to love like He loves, to keep no record of wrongs, to forgive and let it go as if they did nothing, to love unconditionally as He loved us while we were yet in our sin. 

Is this easy to do? Gosh no. It took me years to do it. It's been a very bitter pill for me to swallow time and again, but I wanted to obey. I wanted to be like Christ and be close to Him, so with His help, I did it. And continue to do it. 

Am I glad? YES. Very.  I'm glad to have unloaded those heavy burdens of anger and hate. I am thankful to be free. I am thankful there is unity where there was division before. I love being able to really love like He does. I am glad to have my sister back even if she hasn't apologized. It is good. And I'm glad. 

Where there is division in your life, relationships, family or country, it's up to us who have chosen to follow Christ to be like Him, to forgive, love, heal and bring unity back  to the situation. We are all brothers and sisters. We are family. This is our calling, our responsibility, and the world will be a better place for it. ♡

Finally At Peace ♡


You know how sometimes you get such a CLEAR picture of some truth that it just blows your socks off? Well that happened to me a while ago and it has helped me SO much.

I've heard and read my whole life that the keys to a real Christian walk are surrender and trust. That these are the two wings we fly with.

Now I've tried to do that for years. I've 'surrendered' a million times and just never could figure out why I had such a hard time finding the peace, abundant life, strength and joy that the Bible says are ours.  I have always struggled terribly.

I was praying, asking God yet AGAIN what the deal was, why am I handling this season of difficulties SO VERY BADLY? I mean seriously, I've been a total hot mess. 🙄

And I felt like the Lord said the word 'Control'. That I still hadn't really given Him full control of my life. Really? Gosh I've tried. But I could see that I still held reserves, I still said no at times, I still wanted to make the decisions. Why? Because I'm afraid. I want to be in control to protect myself from more pain and because I don't really trust God. I have never really believed that He loves me so I couldn't trust Him to take good care of me. So I couldn't let go and let Him have it. It wasn't about obedience. It was about fear.

And having all this 'control' over my own life hasn't helped one bit or kept me from more pain or harm.  It's just made me exhausted and physically sick and miserable.

I suddenly got this image of a ship cruising in the water and me hanging on down at the front in the water trying to steer it with my bare hands. 100,000 tons of ship and I'm trying to steer this thing. All my life. And here I was bumped, bruised,  water logged, bleeding, body falling apart under the strain and utterly exhausted, ready to let go and die, because I simply could not steer this ship and I can't try anymore and yet I STILL don't understand why it's not working and why I'm so tired. I've been trying to do something I was never meant to do. Never could do. GOD IS AT THE HELM. HE is steering. Always has been.

 And He's been waiting for me to join Him, to stand beside Him shoulder to shoulder while He does the steering, working together, Him deciding where we're going.

No wonder you couldn't feel His presence or hear Him better. He couldn't get anywhere near you with your hands full of ship, being dragged through the water. He'd call down to you every now and then, "Hey honey! How you doing down there?" I'd answer, "I'm fine! Gurgle, cough!" And He yells back, "Ok, I'm up here at the helm when you're ready to join Me. Love you!"

He kept the sharks at bay and kept me from drowning but He let me get hurt, bruised, exhausted, lonely, battered and completely beaten because He knew at some point I'd get tired of it and finally just want to let go. And when that finally happened, He threw me a rope, lifted me up, hugged me and said, "I'm glad you're up here with Me. Come on, let's get you dried off and rested and then you can join Me and we'll start over. How's that sound?" And me sobbing, "That sounds guh guh goood! I'm so tired."
I'll tell you, it was such a relief to finally let go and stop trying to steer that big ship. It's like, "Yes PLEASE, You take it. I don't WANT it anymore."
 Of course I have moments where I want to throw my leg back over the side to 'help' steer or want to wrest the wheel back out of His hand or look over the side and tell Him where to go or get freaked out by the fog ahead but I remember, I don't WANT that job anymore. He's steering and He'll take care of tomorrow.

I see myself standing under His arm while He steers and I'm safe there and I'm not afraid anymore and I finally know He loves me. I'm at rest. Finally. Sigh..... It's nice.  Thank You Father. ♡♡♡

Treasures Along the Way


There is a walk I sometimes take here on our mountain that requires a steep ascent at the end (hence, the reason it is not a well-worn path). There are two ways to make this steep climb home - one is a twisty, turny, long, gradual ascent and the other is straight up and a bit of a hike, but it's shorter. I usually take the twisty, turny longer road, not ever being in much of a hurry to leave the beautiful, peaceful woods.

One day last summer, I was feeling lazy and hot and didn't want to take the longer, 'easier' way home. I just wanted to get there. So up I headed. This was a big hill, and very steep. After slogging along for a bit, I looked up at this hill and thought, "Egads. So far. Ugh." and wondered if I'd ever get to the top. It was slightly overwhelming. The climb was hard plus I had stumbled over a stump when I was looking up at how far I had to go. Hmmm.... maybe I should have gone the other way....

I decided to just watch the path and take one step at a time, trying to enjoy the slow climb as I went. Taking one small step at a time was manageable and not overwhelming. I kept my eyes on my feet and on the path so I wouldn't trip over anything else. And oh hey! Look! I found treasures along the way! What a nice surprise.  I found a sun-bleached, tiny snail shell, which is amazing because I have never once seen a snail up here in all these years. I found a glittery rock, a bright blue bird feather, a cute tiny pinecone and several pretty flowers that I gathered as I went. I had a handful of sparkly treasures that delighted me.

I was so busy watching my path for pretty little things, that when I finally looked up, to my surprise, I was at the top. Well, huh! I hadn't even noticed the difficulty of the climb any more after I started to focus on one step at a time and looking for surprises along the way.

As I was walking home, this all made me think of the times I have gone through grief and sorrow. How I realized that one step at a time is absolutely the only way out of it, having to slowly learn how to climb this impossible mountain of grief. I thought, "What a perfect example of how to walk out of the darkness of grieving. One small step at a time, don't look at how far you have to go or how steep the climb. Focus on this day, this next small step, not tomorrow, not next month or next year, or you'll be overwhelmed and want to give up. It's just too hard. But this hill has to be climbed so just focus on today, grace sufficient for this day, this hour. Trusting the Lord with each step and He will make sure you find treasures and blessings along the way."

 Usually what we find along the way is the Lord Himself, the greatest Treasure of all, a closer walk with Him and interestingly, freedom. Pain can open our eyes like nothing else. It can move us from, "I knew You in my head but now I know You in my heart."  Pain and grief break the heart open to usher in peace and even joy. It seems impossible but I have found it to be true. And now instead of pretty feathers, shells and flowers in my hands, I have peace and joy and contentment filling my heart. And such love for the Lord that I never ever had before. Oh what amazing, wonderful, blessed treasures those are to find along the way. And I say, "Thank You Lord. Thank You for this path I had to climb and for all the treasures I found along the way. " ♡♡♡

 Let Go Hon


One day when I was walking 7 month old Scout, he picked up a big stick to carry along. He picked it up at one end so it was unbalanced.  The heavy stick kept hitting the ground, jerking Scout's head back, bumping on his mouth. Frankly, it looked a  little painful.

I bent down, took hold of the stick with the intent of repositioning the stick in his mouth so he could carry it more easily and not cause him so much trouble.

Well.

He hung on to that stick for dear life. I guess he thought I was trying to take it from him.

I continued to gently grapple with him, saying, "Scout, let go hon. Scout, let go. I'm trying to help you. Let. GO." I was finally able to wrest the stick from his mouth, reposition it for him and off he went, a happy camper.

I sighed in exasperation thinking, "That didn't have to be that hard, little stinker."

And as usually happens when I am trying to teach my dogs a lesson, the Spirit spoke to my heart, and all I could hear was, "Let go hon, I am trying to help you. I am trying to make things better for you. Trust Me. Let GO."

We Were Meant For So Much More

There was once a few pigs and a few chickens in a barnyard. The pigs were wallowing in the mud and the chickens were scratching in the dirt. One of the pigs, Frank, said to the other pigs, Judy and Harold, "This stinks. Literally. The same thing, every day, mud, mud, mud. I'm sick of it. And I'm so bored." Harold then disgustedly commented, "I'm so sick of fighting over scraps that don't even taste good. What a rotten life."

Judy agreed and said, "You know, I remember my great grandmother talking about living in the palace as a young girl, how wonderful and clean and full of light it was. She said we came from nobility and were part of the royal family. I wonder what happened? Why don't we live there anymore?"

The chickens who were nearby and very nosy, overheard the pigs talking. One of the chickens, named Fancy because he was so colorful, said to the other chickens, Henrietta and Wilma, "Yeah I remember some of the stories my grandfather used to tell me about living in the palace too. He said that we flew like the eagles and didn't have to scratch in the dirt for our food. I always thought those were just stories though." Henrietta, who was prone to daydreaming, dreamily said, "Oh how nice. To fly above it all, to coast on the wind, lazily turning circles in the air, looking down on all this from up there. Oh how wonderful. I wish it were true." Wilma, the cranky one, said, "Snort. I wouldn't mind NOT having to work so hard scratching for food, worrying about tomorrow, whether there will be enough worms and  NOT eating dust and dirt anymore! Tsk!"

The cat sauntered by, who struck fear in the hearts of the chickens and vexed the pigs, commented with a sneer, "What are you fools talking about? You're just pigs and chickens. Royalty? HA! Mud and dirt is the life for you."  and walked away looking entirely too pleased with himself.

So the pigs and the chickens went on day after day, wallowing and scratching, not knowing they were meant for better things. They were of royal blood; the palace was indeed their home. They were meant to live with the King and be part of His family, taking care of His kingdom, attending to royal business. They had riches galore, food aplenty, comfort and warmth and love and laughter and purpose. Free from the dirty, stinky, bleak, boring confines of the barnyard. They would have been taught to fight, to be valiant warriors. They were children of the King.

 This knowledge was somehow lost to them though. They had no idea that these riches belonged to them, that it was already theirs. It was sitting in the royal treasury, just waiting to be discovered and used for the good of the Kingdom. They were rich and did not know it. The palace was their home and they were living in the dirt and mud, burdened by the cares of tomorrow. What a waste. What a shame!

2 Chronicles 34 and 2 Kings 22 - "The Book of the Law Found" - What we were meant to be.

If You Run, They Will Chase You

I was standing on a high point of our property yesterday, enjoying the view, feeling the cool wind on my face,  looking around hoping to see a moose or an elk.

 As I stood there I remembered the time that our Irish Wolfhound CC was chasing a HUGE moose. Or she started to chase it anyway. The moose ran from her and she kept chasing and barking but then, and you could almost see this on the moose's face,  "Wait a minute. Why am I running from this?", the moose stopped, turned, faced the one chasing her and stood her ground. Whereby CC slid to a stop and immediately ran away. Chase over.

I laughed at the memory of it and then realized what a wonderful truth this scene portrayed.

Our fears and problems are exactly like that. They will chase us and as long as we run from them, they will continue to hound us. But I've recently discovered, much as that moose did, "Wait a minute. Why am I running from this? Why am I so afraid?".

I asked God for help, to stop running and face my fears, to stare my problems right in the face and learn to cope, and He did just that. With His help, I stopped running, turned and faced head on what had been chasing me, and guess what? All that had been chasing me slid to a stop, turned and ran away.

I thought I had been running from dragons, but they were just lizards. God helped me to see they weren't so big and scary after all. With His help, I finally saw that I was bigger than that problem, that those fears weren't in fact unmanageable, that with Him by my side I had nothing to fear at all.

Oh, so if I face them with His strength, they will stop chasing me and hounding me and having any power over me. They are just bullies with no real substance. If I don't run, they won't chase. There's no real threat there. Once you stand your ground and face them head on they slink away in the light of His truth.

Well. Huh. Whattya know about that? I don't have to run anymore! I got this. We can face anything together. Thank You Lord! 😁

Why Didn't I Think of That??

One of the things I like best about following God is the wonderful practical help I get. It helps me so much and always amazes me.

Common sense is not a strength of mine, never has been. So it either takes me forever to figure out how to do something or solve a problem, or I just end up doing it the hard way  until someone comes along (usually my husband) and asks me, "Why are you doing it THAT way? There's a much easier way." Which frustrates me because I didn't think of it on my own or before I went to all that trouble.

Lately I have been praying more about every day, practical problems, simply asking the Lord, "Will You please help me with this? I don't know what to do about this problem." And it's been amazing to me how God has answered those prayers.

My dogs like to wander on our mountains and it causes me no end of worry. We finally had an underground fence system put in. The collars shock the dogs when they go beyond the fence. I HATE these collars. My dogs hate these collars. So I didn't use them. But with the arrival of spring, my dogs have started wandering again. I said, "Lord! What do I do??!! We hate those mean collars. But I can't have them leaving for 8 hours at a time and me getting sick with worry anymore. We can't live like that. Please help me!" Later I got the thought, "Turn the shocking part on the collars off. The beeping on the collars will do the trick." And I did. And it worked. Why didn't I think of that?? So easy! Problem solved, thank the Lord.

I realized recently that I had to have a computer hooked to the internet to work on a book that I'm trying to get published. Which meant, I thought, a new computer. Which I was bummed about because it's so expensive. I didn't think my old computer would work.  I prayed about it because I had to get back online and I just didn't know what to do. I later had the thought, "Just use the old computer and upgrade it. It will work fine and you'll save a lot of money." And it worked. Huh! Awesome. Thank You Lord!

This happens all the time now. I could go on and on with examples. The Lord isn't there for just spiritual issues and growth. He is there to help you practically too. He is your Father. He loves you. He wants to help you. You're His child. He promised He would give wisdom if we ask for it. He tells us to ask for discernment. He is a God of order and yes, even common sense. Ask Him for a solution. Ask Him to help you see a problem with His eyes and perspective. He will help you. You'll be amazed. ♡

He is My Strength ♡


On our morning walk yesterday, I was just dragging along behind my dogs, wishing I could have a big ole cup of coffee to kickstart me into this day. I was so tired for some reason. And I had so much to do that day too, stuff that was hard work physically. But I can't have caffeine anymore so that was out, unfortunately. Ugh.

I then said out loud, "Lord, I could use some strength today. I have so much to do. The joy of the Lord is my strength. Those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength. They will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint. Thank You Lord." Then I went back to the house and just got to work.

Before I knew it, the day was almost over. I looked up and was so surpised at how much I had gotten done that day, way more than usual! I mean it was amazing.  And I never thought again about being tired. That prayer lit a fire under me that burned all day.

I said, "Wow. Thanks Lord!" The thought came to me that instead of getting superficial energy from caffeine, I went to the Source of all strength and got real energy, super energy and strength. And I didn't get jittery or that exhausting after-caffeine crash. I had abundant peace all day while working, then I slept like a baby, another gift from Him.

He said "In our weakness He is strong." He is there for us to lean on. When we trust Him to do what He has offered to do, He will do it.

I've been so thankful for this time of physical weakness I've had the last year because it has taught me to lean on Him in ways I never have before. So, in a way, I am stronger than I ever was before.

He is there, ready and waiting to do what He promised. Call out and see that He is good and faithful and will bless your trust in Him. It's wonderful! :)

Our Whole Life Into His Hands


"I was once trying to explain to a physician who had charge of a large hospital the necessity and meaning of consecration, but he seemed unable to understand.

At last I said to him, 'Suppose in going your rounds among your patients, you should meet with one man who entreated  you earnestly to take his case under your especial care in order to cure him, but who should at the same time refuse to tell you all his symptoms or to take all your prescribed remedies, and should say to you, "I am quite willing to follow your directions as to certain things, because they commend themselves to my mind as good but in other matters I prefer judging for myself, and following my own directions.

"What would you do in such a case?' I asked.

 'Do!' he replied with indignation - 'Do?! I would soon leave such a man as that to his own care. For of course' he added, 'I could do nothing for him unless he put his whole case into my hands without reserves, and would obey my directions implicitly.' 

And that is consecration, ' I continued. 'God must have the whole case put into His hands without any reserves and His directions must be implicitly followed.'

'I see it,' he exclaimed, 'I see it!'"


Consecration is the first thing. In order for a soul to be made into a vessel unto God's honor, 'sanctified and meet for the master's use, and prepared unto every good work', it must be utterly abandoned to Him and must lie passive in His hands.

Hannah W. Smith "The Christian's Secret to a Happy Life" ♡

Not Happy But Content ♡


Someone asked me recently if I was happy and they asked in such a way that it was obvious they were expecting to hear a big, fat 'Yes' from me. So they were surprised when I said 'No, not really.'

They said, "What??? But you seem to be so happy." I smiled and said, "Well praise God for that. Because it's all Him. I'm content and at peace but I'm not happy, no."

My friend asked, "What do you mean? How can you not be happy but be content?"

I answered, "There are a lot of things in my life I'm not happy with. Things I don't like. Things I would change today if I could. For instance,  I don't like living on the mountain in the winter, so isolated. I don't like living so far from my family. I hate not being involved in my beautiful grandson's life and not getting to be a grandma. I don't like not getting to go to church, or being involved in a community, or getting to have family dinners and celebrations. I miss having fun with friends, teaching Sunday School and going to a Bible Study.

"But. I have prayed about all of this a thousand times and God has not seen fit to change it for me. So this must be where He wants me and I trust Him so I accept it as good. I accept that this is the very place I need to be whether I like it or not, even if I can't see why it's good. I want His will, not mine. He gets to choose. So I accept it and I am truly content and at peace.

"These may not be the circumstances I would choose, and I'm not 'happy' but my soul is at peace with God and there's nothing better than that. Nothing. He is my peace. He is my joy, not my circumstances. And that never changes. I'm so thankful."♡♡♡

 Care Free

~~~~  As I was throwing snowballs down the hill for my dogs to chase yesterday, it occured to me how completely unaware they are that our world is in a state of fear and panic. I was thinking about how free my dogs are from care and worry.  They trust me to take care of them and feed them.  They don't worry about where their next meal is coming from and they don't worry about getting sick. They take each day as it comes, running from one small joy to another, completely content, at peace and enjoying life. I envied them for a moment, but then I realized, to my surprise, that God has taught me how to live exactly the same way. What a blessing that has been! Thank You God! ☺ ~~~~

Lean Not On Your Own Understanding


You know what leaning on your own understanding is like?

It's like standing in the middle of what looks like a huge overgrown garden. It doesn't seem to have any order. It looks like a big mess when you are standing in the middle of it. But when you can view it from above, you can then see the perfect order and beauty of it. You're just seeing a part of it. But God sees the whole.

It might also help to think of God as the general standing in the war room with his corporals and captains, all standing around a huge table on which a map lays. This map is a picture of the entire war with pins and markings of each battle and skirmish being fought. The General knows exactly what He's doing. He knows exactly what to do to get this war won - because it has already been won. He knows where to send each company to get this mission accomplished. He can see it all from above. We can only see it from the ground.

This is why we have to trust Him and not lean on our own understanding or on just what we see.  Because it looks like it's out of control down here. It looks frightening and chaotic right here in the middle of it all. It looks like a hopeless mess. But it's not. He is in control. He knows exactly what's happening. He is leading us to a sure and certain victory. He knows what He's doing. It's all part of a good and glorious plan.

We can trust His heart when we cannot see His hand. We don't have to know everything that's going on to trust that this is part of the plan, the strategy to get us where we need to be, to glorify Him, to help our brothers and sisters.

He needs men and women on the ground to show blind faith and confident trust in their Leader. He needs us to be so trusting and committed that we obey immediately,  without question, knowing it is exactly what needs to be done at that moment to help win that battle.  He needs our unwavering devotion to the cause of Christ, knowing that He leads us to victory. No doubt. No questions. No need for explanations. No complaining. Just a certain knowing, a deep conviction that He knows, He is good, He loves us and He has already won this war for us on the Cross. Trust Him.

Lean not on your own understanding. Lean on His and be at peace. ♡